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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411384">hold my peace</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kireinayuta/pseuds/kireinayuta'>kireinayuta</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arguing, Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Cute, Driving, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Holding Hands, Light Angst, M/M, McDonald's, Repression, basically jaem is going thru it and jeno is always there to feed him cookies and hold his hand, face masks!!, mentioned - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:20:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,800</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411384</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kireinayuta/pseuds/kireinayuta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaemin doesn’t want to... Deal with it.</p><p>Good thing Jeno takes his mind off of things.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>233</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Nomin (Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin)</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>hold my peace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>you’re not alone, in whatever you’re feeling. sometimes the littlest things can have the biggest impact on your emotional, mental or physical state. whatever the case, you’re not alone. you have someone who is always willing to listen.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The more Jaemin just sits on his bed, the louder the words seem to get. </p><p>The more he busies himself by staring at the blank wall in front of him, the harsher the sentences become. </p><p>The more he twiddles his thumbs, the more he feels his eyes prick. </p><p>But he's Na Jaemin. And he's stronger than whatever is happening beneath him, and he's intelligent. He knows he shouldn't let something like this affect him for the nth time, despite there being an obvious negative emotional impact. He's coached himself to take a deep breath in, exhale, clear his mind, clench his jaw and suck it up. It's easier that way, to keep things to himself. The more his parents know he's unaffected, the more power he holds over them. </p><p>Or at least, that's the way he sees it.</p><p>Through doing his breathing technique, he misses how the voices downstairs digress, not noticing the silence until the front door slams shut, making him flinch despite all the commotion. </p><p>Jaemin counts to ten in his head, counting to three after just to be sure, and then slowly makes his way to his desk, where his phone lays. His jaw is still clenched as he picks up the device, but he wills himself to relax a bit and at least try to sound normal. He unlocks his phone and heads to his call log, dialling the most recent contact.</p><p>He clears his throat a few times before the other line answers, however, no more than two rings later, the other line comes alive.</p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>"Hey! Are you on your way back from swim practice?" Jaemin asks, trying to make his voice sounds as enthusiastic as it normally does whenever he's on the phone. It's an easy feat, comes with years of practicing. </p><p>"Yeah, what's up?" Jeno easily answers, and Jaemin hears the cars from the other side, hears the wind since Jeno loves driving with the windows down after swim practice, despite Jaemin reminding him multiple times that he's going to get sick one of these times. </p><p>He never listens. </p><p>"If you aren't too tired, do you wanna hang out?" Jaemin asks, already picking up a shirt and a pair of shorts, throwing them into an overnight bag.</p><p>He doesn't wanna stay here tonight. </p><p>"For sure!" Jeno agrees excitedly, and Jaemin feels butterflies erupt in his stomach since he can practically hear the smile in the older boy's voice. Two years and Jeno still makes him crazy. "Did you wanna spend the night too? It's already pretty late."</p><p>Jaemin winces at the question, guiltily looking down at the bag he's already packed, equipped with his toothbrush and skin care routine. Perhaps it would've been smarter to ask Jeno about this first. </p><p>"If that's not an issue," Jaemin easily answers, despite hoping deep down, that the answer is affirmative. </p><p>"Of course! My parents love having you around anyways," Jeno laughs, easy and light, and although it's only his voice through a speaker, Jaemin already feels like it's easier to breathe. </p><p>"Yeah," the younger answers with a faint smile, despite Jeno not being able to see it. "Pick me up on the way home?"</p><p>"Fifteen minutes babe, and then the night's ours!" </p><p>After receiving a little chuckle from Jaemin, Jeno hangs up his bluetooth with an 'I love you', and Jaemin is left to slump his shoulders again. He doesn't let himself think too much about it though, doesn't let himself sit around doing nothing, as he simply packs a charger and some socks. He grabs a hoodie which he thinks belongs to Jeno anyways and shrugs it on, tossing his wallet into the pockets of his track pants and heading out of his room. </p><p>It's silent when Jaemin makes his way down the stairs, silent when he reaches the foyer and puts on his shoes. It would be eerie, if he had not been used to it. He doesn't need to say anything as he opens the front door, doesn't need to announce that he's leaving. No one was listening anyways. </p><p>He closes the door behind him and sits down on the porch, knees up to his chest as he waits for Jeno to pull up and into the driveway. </p><p>Jaemin doesn't wait long, as Jeno's car drives up within the next three minutes, and despite all the earlier events, Jaemin lets a smile crawl onto his face. </p><p>He makes his way to the passenger's side of the car, hopping in and tossing his backpack in the back seat. There's music playing in the car, a song Jaemin remembers hearing before. He guesses Jeno's playing their shared playlist. </p><p>Once his seatbelt is on and he turns his head to finally look at Jeno, he doesn't let the latter, who's mouth is already open with wanting to say something, get the chance to speak as he leans across the console and presses a kiss against his lips. Jeno makes that cute sound that he always does when he's caught off guard, which only makes Jaemin smile into their exchange. </p><p>"Good evening to you too," Jeno mumbles once they part, softly smiling when Jaemin's face comes into view, with the aid of the dim light of the car. "You seem eager to see me." He adds, pecking Jaemin's cheek once more before sitting back in his seat, starting to drive. </p><p>"Can't a boy miss his boyfriend in peace?" The younger scoffs.</p><p>"You saw me at school though?" Jeno hums, tilting his head to a side. </p><p>Jaemin decides to ignore his question, replying instead with a question of his own. </p><p>"Are you hungry Jeno? Did you eat anything after practice?" </p><p>"I could eat," he shrugs. "Did you have dinner?" </p><p>"Kind of," he answers, not wanting to fully disclose that he'd been starving in his room but didn't go down because of all the commotions. "McDonald's?" He asks instead.</p><p>"You always say the right things," Jeno groans contently, letting his right hand fall from the steering wheel and onto Jaemin's thigh. "This is why I love you." </p><p>Jaemin smiles a little at that.</p><p>"I love you too, dork."</p><p>Soon enough, the boys find themselves in the McDonald's drive thru, ordering their meal which Jaemin insists he pays for. They make it past both windows successfully, and Jeno parks in a spot near the end of the parking lot. Despite the restaurant being right in front of them, Jaemin and Jeno had both always preferred eating in the car, with the sunroof of Jeno's car open. </p><p>The music is still playing softly in the background as they eat, white noise behind their chewing. Jaemin asks Jeno a few questions about swim practice, and Jeno asks Jaemin about the soccer team. There isn't much to talk about, it's only been about six or seven hours since they've last seen each other, but the other's company is already enough. </p><p>Once they're both done eating, Jeno drives them to his house, the time filled with small chatter, but mainly just Jaemin rubbing circles on Jeno's knuckles after the latter has started to hold his hand over the console. </p><p>They arrive at Jeno's house, and once they're parked in the driveway, both of their bags with them, Jeno unlocks the front door and leads them inside. His mom immediately greets Jaemin, and if she notices how he hugs her tighter today, she doesn't mention it. Jeno's dad greets them both with claps on the back and a plate of cookies he'd spent the afternoon baking. </p><p>"I didn't know you baked, Mr. Lee?" Jaemin notes, gratefully taking the plate stacked with chocolate chip cookies, seeing as Jeno's hands are full with the two of their bags. </p><p>"He's learning," Jeno's mom pipes in. "I'd tell you how many tries the cookies took, but it's borderline embarrassing, Jaemin-ah." She tsks playfully, rubbing her husband's shoulders. </p><p>The four of them have a good laugh and a little conversation after that, but then Jeno excuses them and they're heading up to the latter's room. </p><p>"Guess what I bought the other day," Jeno says, dropping both their bags near his desk chair. He sees Jaemin looking at him from where he stands in front of his bed, and before he can control himself, he's tackling Jaemin onto the bed with him. </p><p>They both land with a huff, Jaemin underneath Jeno, with the latter's arms wrapped around his waist, head tucked into the crook of his neck. </p><p>"Hm..." Jaemin hums, trailing off as he pretends to think. He brings his hands up to play with Jeno's black hair, still the slightest bit damp from swim practice. Being this close with Jeno, Jaemin's heart already feels lighter, and the previous events of the night are slowly, but surely, starting to fade away from his mind. "New goggles?" </p><p>"Face mask," he corrects, leaving feather light kisses onto the skin of Jaemin's neck between sentences. "A clay one."</p><p>"Yeah? Did you wanna put it on?" He asks, continuing to comb through Jeno's hair. </p><p>"Yeah but," the older boy sighs, snuggling in closer to Jaemin's body. "Your hands feel good." </p><p>Jaemin thinks that Jeno can feel how hard his heart is beating. </p><p>"We can stay like this for a while," Jaemin whispers, continuing the ministrations with his hands. "Ten minutes." </p><p>Jeno hums in agreement, getting even more comfortable as the pair lays there, content in each other's arms. </p><p>Ten minutes turn into two hours, and Jaemin is waking up to their positions swapped, his head comfortably resting on Jeno's chest. One of the latter's arms is wrapped around Jaemin's waist, and the other is behind his own head. </p><p>After regaining some consciousness, Jaemin looks up from his eyelashes, and he sees that Jeno is already staring at him. </p><p>"Oh," the younger squeaks a bit, surprised at the fact that Jeno is already awake. "How long have you been awake?" He asks, pushing himself up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. His bones feel heavy, but Jeno is wearing his glasses so he can't bring himself to look away. </p><p>"A few minutes," Jeno answers, voice thick and gravelly, indicating that he's telling the truth. "Face mask?" He asks with a pout, scrunching up his nose happily when Jaemin nods. </p><p>Jaemin's heart is going to explode one day because of Jeno. And he won't even be mad. </p><p>Jaemin and Jeno get up from bed, both changing into their night clothes before making their way to Jeno's bathroom. </p><p>"I bought these cute things," Jeno mumbles, sifting through a small basket for a while before he pulls out two matching headbands. </p><p>"Bunny ears?" Jaemin mutters, tiny smile making its way onto his lips. The headbands are white and somewhat fuzzy, with two little ears. They look like bunny ears the more Jaemin looks at them, and there's extra fabric near the back to tie them with. "So cute."</p><p>"I'll put it on for you," Jeno offers, grabbing the one from Jaemin. He brushes the younger's pink hair out of his eyes and away from his forehead. He uses one hand to place the headband in the right spot while using the other to keep Jaemin's hair away from his face. He lets the hair fall once it's placed correctly, and then uses both hands to tie it up behind his head. Once he's finished, he steps back and admires Jaemin for little, unable to stop himself. "You are so cute. My little bun." He sighs out endearingly, squishing Jaemin's cheeks together. </p><p>"Shut up," the younger mumbles, cheeks pink as he reaches for the second headband. He mimics what Jeno had done to him, tying the headband behind Jeno's head. “Do you have a brush?”</p><p>“Mhm.” </p><p>Jaemin grabs a clean brush in one hand, and the pot of face mask in the other. </p><p>“Sit down,” he instructs with a devilish smile. “I’m gonna paint your face.” </p><p>Jeno rolls his eyes fondly, but sits down on the closed toilet lid nonetheless. There isn’t much he wouldn’t do for Jaemin anyways. </p><p>“Tickles,” Jeno giggles once Jaemin drags the brush across his face. “And cold.” He adds. </p><p>“Suck it up,” Jaemin huffs, precise with how he applies the mask onto his boyfriend’s face. “This was your idea.”</p><p>Jeno doesn’t say much after that, only watches Jaemin with love in his eyes. He traces the way the younger’s eyes are wide, the way his lips are slightly parted and the way his acne scars show themselves in the lighting of his bathroom. </p><p>He’s so beautiful.</p><p>He’s going to lose his mind over how enthralled he is. </p><p>“My turn,” Jeno says once Jaemin is done. He makes way to grab the brush and pot out of the younger’s hands, but Jaemin simply backs away, tsking. </p><p>“Jen, I love you, but you’re gonna get it in my ear or something,” he laughs. </p><p>Jeno pouts, unable to argue. He’s done it once and now Jaemin doesn’t trust him anymore to put a face mask on for him. So Jeno simply watches, as Jaemin paints his own face. It’s faster when he’s putting it on himself, and he’s done in record time. </p><p>“Done,” he announces, cleaning off the brush in the sink and putting the pot away. “Now what?” Jaemin asks, turning to face Jeno, who’s still sitting on the toilet lid. </p><p>“Now,” Jeno sighs, getting up and pressing Jaemin against the counter. He cages the latter in, keeping his eyes on the younger. “We talk.”</p><p>Jaemin tilts his head in confusion, but Jeno is quick to explain.</p><p>“Tell me honestly,” Jeno starts, trailing one finger down Jaemin’s arm, stopping when he reaches his hand and laces them together. He watches the way their fingers fit, and doesn’t think he’ll ever settle for someone who isn’t Jaemin. “Why you wanted to hang out today.” Jeno squeezes Jaemin’s hand tighter for assurance, so that Jaemin knows he can tell him the truth.</p><p>“I just wanted to be with you,” Jaemin answers, not meeting Jeno’s eyes.</p><p>That’s how he knows. </p><p>“That’s part of it,” Jeno nods, bringing his other hand up to tilt Jaemin’s chin up, so that they could maintain eye contact. “But what’s the other part?”</p><p>Jeno is making them hold eye contact, and he sees the way Jaemin’s resolve crumbles in his eyes. </p><p>“It’s just my parents again,” he sighs, looking back down once he lets the truth fall from his lips. “I didn’t wanna be home, and... You make me feel better.” He admits, quirking his lips to a side, perhaps in order to lighten the mood. </p><p>“Yeah?” Jeno asks softly, ducking his head down so that they could look at each other again. Even if their faces are covered in clay. </p><p>“Mhm,” Jaemin nods, voice coming out small. “Your dad makes good cookies too.” </p><p>Jeno lets out a chuckle, and Jaemin wants to smile a bit, but doesn’t because he doesn’t want his face mask to crack. </p><p>“You know you’re welcome here whenever, right?” Jeno whispers after some time, pressing a kiss to the crown of Jaemin’s head. He doesn’t mind having Jaemin’s face so close to his shirt, the clay is almost dry anyways. “I don’t need to be home, the door’s always open for you.” </p><p>Jaemin digests the words, feeling his throat swell up. </p><p>He loves this family. </p><p>He loves Jeno.</p><p>“I love you,” Jaemin chokes out trying to keep his tears at bay to not ruin his stupid face mask. “You’re so good to me, I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” </p><p>Jeno hums, patting Jaemin’s back comfortingly as he lets the other calm down for a bit. He thinks he should be asking himself that question, holding such a previous boy in his arms.</p><p>“You just love me. And I love you. Made for each other, aren’t we?” He half-jokes, meaning the first part. He feels Jaemin shake a bit as he laughs as well, and he can feel himself grinning at the sound. </p><p>They don’t talk about it again after that, they just wash their faces and brush their teeth. </p><p>Once they’re done with that, they make their way back to Jeno’s bed, feeling the exhaustion from their days sink onto them. </p><p>“Let’s make your parents pancakes tomorrow,” Jaemin suggest, words somewhat slurred as he crawls under the covers. “As a thank you for the cookies.”</p><p>“You just want pancakes, don’t you?” Jeno jokes, turning the light off and crawling into bed behind Jaemin. </p><p>“Maybe,” he answers, feeling Jeno scoot closer to his back. The older boy throws an arm around Jaemin’s waist, and the latter immediately goes to lace their fingers together. </p><p>He sighs contently. </p><p>“Goodnight Jen.” He whispers, feeling his eyes slip shut on their own accord. </p><p>“Everything’s gonna be okay,” Jeno whispers back, pressing a light kiss against Jaemin’s nape. </p><p>“Goodnight Nana.”</p>
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